The Cross Family

Taking a Break

2010-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm going to take a break from blogging here for the foreseeable future. If you need to reach me, feel free to email me; inetsupergrrl at yahoo dot com.

Or, visit my regular blog here.

Happy Mom Moments

2010-11-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend we attended a Bobby Lawrence Karate tournament. The boys have taken karate for four years, even David and I did it for a couple years. Xander has competed at each of the two tournaments every years since they started. And for the first couple years, Charlie competed too.

Then he got tired of always losing ~ of sometimes being the only one in his division who didn't win anything at all. Participation ribbons seem like a good idea ~ except when your brother is bringing home trophies and all you have is a box full of silky tokens.

It takes a lot of courage to try again. Especially when you have so much proof that convinces you it's not going to be worth it. I was so proud that after a break from tournaments for a year, Charlie wanted to compete again. He's been showing more committment lately, and has been practicing more than he used to; but he still has a long way to go. I was so afraid he'd lose again, though, and any forward progression he's made would be lost. I prayed and prayed that he would have a positive experience.

When it came time for Charlie to perform, I held my breath. I wanted so much for him ~ and was so afraid for him.

He forgot most of his form, and instead of ending strong, like we'd practiced, he just kind of shrugged and left the ring.

He forgot most of his weapons form, just kind of threw his hands up in the air, and left the ring.

His last class, self-defense, was up. We'd worked hard on these, but we thought he'd be able to have Xander as his partner, and now he had to do it with a boy he didn't know and might not do the approach the same way Charlie'd practiced.

His turn came up. And Charlie did GREAT.

And, he won third place for self-defense!

Xan placed first in forms, weapons and self-defense for his division (he's in a different belt class than Charlie.)

So, here's my very proud mom moment. Believe it or not, it didn't end with Charlie finally winning a medal. As we were leaving, Charlie seemed sad. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wished he'd given his medal to the boy who didn't win anything. There was one child there, one out of seven kids, who didn't win anything, who went home with only a participation ribbon. And Charlie knows exactly how that feels. He looked around for the boy, but he'd already left.

Xander & Charlie

That was my proud mom moment. And it was a moment born out of all the pain Charlie has felt from so many losses. And then I thought, maybe losing isn't so bad after all.

Book Review ~ The Unmotivated Child

2010-11-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

The Unmotivated Child: Helping Your Underachiever Become a Successful Student by Natalie Rathvon

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've read a lot of parenting books and a lot of schooling books (I school my two boys at home) and I've finally found the book that describes my child.

He didn't quite fit with the ADD profiles, nor any of the other psychological acronyms that would help me understand why my boy would break down in tears over a math problem.

He'd do great one day, and then everything would fall apart the next. I couldn't understand it! Finally, though, I have a glimpse into what's been going on with my son.

I wasn't thrilled to discover that a lot of his problems might stem from a failure to securely attach to us, his parents, as an infant and young child, but ... I can't deny it's a possibility. As a premature baby, with time in the NICU and a very demanding attention-seeking twin brother, my easy-going, sweet baby was often left to wait until I took care of the noisier baby first.

The Unmotivated Child helps you identify whether your child is suffering from this particular problem and how to discover what brand of problem his lack of attachment has developed. It teaches you ways to reach out to your child, primarily using effective communication skills that are easy to understand--though implementing them might take a lot of practice.

I'm looking forward to communicating with my son better and hope it will have a positive effect on his school experiences, and on his life in general. Mostly though, I'm just so grateful for a little insight into my own child who I love so much but just couldn't understand.

View all my reviews

A Homeschooling Bonus

2010-10-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out Order of Operations!!

Seriously!

All this time, and the order of operations was a mystery to me. I almost always got them wrong, and when I didn't, I had no idea how I did it.

Enter: Homeschooling!

You're kind of forced to face your own demons and step waaaayyy outside your comfort zone in order to help your child. I've learned more about grammar than I even knew existed. (Shh. Yes, I'm a writer, but I didn't know what it was called when I left a participle dangling!)

But now I know that and the order of order of operations:

Parenthesis first.
Exponents, next.
Multiplication or Division next, worked left to right if there's more than one.
Addition and Subtraction next, worked left to right.

I know, I know. I'm probably the only grown-up out there who did NOT know how to work these problems, but there it is. Yay for me!

Sometimes New Is Not Better

2010-10-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

On Friday the boys and I had the opportunity to attend a field trip with our school. We went to Kingsbury Hall at the University of Utah to see, we thought, The Phantom of the Opera. Nothing in the information we were given on the show suggested it was anything other than what you would expect.

As a former professional opera singer, I was thrilled to take my boys to this performance. Phantom would have been a good choice to introduce my boys to musical theater.

However, the Phantom, as I know it, was not at all what we got.

Instead our senses were assaulted with a rock version of the story (which in and of itself I wouldn't have had a problem with) written in the contemporary style of many composers, featuring dissonate chords and minor keys.

In short, it was torturous.

I thought the musicians, performers and singers were pretty darn great. A couple of them excellent, even.

But there wasn't a single thing about the actual composition and production that I enjoyed. At all.

At least we got to have a good discussion about music composition, performance and personal taste. Judging by the reviews, people have found this show appealing enough.

And hey, we got a break from school work and were able to walk around a bit on the beautiful UofU campus. Which also gave us the opportunity to discuss silver linings. :)

From Bad Mom to Awesome Mom ~ Getting My Child Help

2010-10-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Toward the end of last year, Charlie really seemed to be getting a handle on math. So when he started school this year and was plugging along in math, I didn't question it. Everyone was happy since K12's change in math program that allowed for a lot more work to be done online.

It wasn't until Xan came to me with some difficulties with his own math, that I realized I couldn't take for granted the guys were making their way through math without problem. There were problems all right.

Except it wasn't Xan--he consistently gets enough questions right the first time around (80% or better), it was Charlie. The online checkpoints, and me being willing to relinquish my mom-smarts, enable Charlie to engage in some bad behavior.

Basically, Charlie would go through his checkpoint (basically an end-of-lesson test) and fail it. Then he'd click the "review" button where he could see where he went wrong. Normally, the parent should go through the review with their child to help work through problem spots. Well, I was a bad mom and didn't know he was failing and reviewing and then basically just entering in the right answers as he remembered them from the review. *sigh*

When I finally realized my mistake, it was on Charlie's Unit 2 review. Once Xan alerted me to the problem (sometimes it's a good thing to tattle!) I sat down with Charlie to review where he'd gone wrong on his unit review test. Um, he didn't seem to know any of it. He claimed complete ignorance on even relatively simple math problems.

Add to that some complaints about how stupid he is and how he'll never be able to do math ... and I realized it was time for me to do something.

Thankfully, I have a good friend who is a former math teacher. For the last few years she's been working as a math specialist at our local elementary school, helping kids just like Charlie. And, even better for me (but bad for her), she was laid off this summer as our school district made drastic cuts in their budget. Meg loves to teach kids math and she, thankfully, responded with enthusiasm to my request that she tutor Charlie.

I am so pleased and can't wait for her to come in and help my guy out. I'm hoping she'll start tomorrow, Monday. I only wish I'd paid better attention to what Charlie was doing sooner. BUT, at least it's only been a month. There's still time to really turn things around for him.

He's also been invited to join in the Reading Horizons program which promises to improve his reading skills exponentially.

I am thrilled and excited for Charlie. I think this is going to be his year to really leap ahead in his academic abilities and especially in his perception of himself. That's a tremendous and lasting gift that could change his life for the better.

So, I may have been a bad mom, but at least I can recognize my shortcomings and work to overcome them--and sometimes that means admitting that I can't do a thing, but finding someone that can.

Field Trips Starting!

2010-09-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about K12 are the fabulous field trips. There's already been a couple activities, but October will give us the opportunity for an outing pretty much every week.

This week, we'll go to the zoo. Then, we'll see Phantom of the Opera at Kingsbury Hall. A couple Halloween/Pumpkin Patch trips (which my boys are not quite too old for,) later in the month. The boys are excited for these adventures--it's just great to get out of the house sometimes and see the world around you.

That's one of the greatest advantages homeschooling offers, isn't it? And K12 does it beautifully.

I'm afraid we won't get too much school work done this week though. Monday we'll be at Primary Children's Hospital for what I expect will be at least half the day (our first appointment starts at 7:00 a.m. ~ oy!), for Charlie to see a cardiologist who specializes in Marfan's syndrom. Then on Wednesday both the boys will see their allergist for help with asthma and allergies. Then the zoo on Friday.

Um, yup. Not a lot of time for school, but we'll do our best. That's another thing that's great about homeschooling ~ some weeks you just don't get a lot of schoolwork done and you know what? That's okay too.

Have a great week everyone!

So Why DO You Homeschool?

2010-09-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

This is probably the question people ask me most often. Here's what I tell them:

Xan was one of those guys who was done his work far more quickly than everyone else. And then he would proceed to go around the classroom "helping". He got in trouble for being out of his seat. He got in trouble for talking all the time.

Was his work completed? Yes. Was his work done correctly? Yes. And was he considered a "trouble maker"? Yes.

Charlie was a guy who struggled with just about everything--even by the end of Grade Two he couldn't tell you the alphabet all the way through without hesitating, or even needing a reminder or prompt here or there.

And yet, he was being promoted to Grade Three. Do you see a problem there? I sure did.

Xan needed to be in an environment that would keep him actively engaged and challenged. Charlie needed to be allowed the opportunity to master his material. Both of these problems can be addressed by having my boys school at home.

And here's how it works: Xan's done his school material most days within two hours. He gets to spend the rest of his day reading, playing on the computer (yes, I allow this as long as chores and school work are completed) and writing, or whatever he wants.

Charlie, who used to get barely 50% on his spelling tests, now practices his words walking back and forth on the couch. Now he typically gets 100% on his spelling tests.

My children are learning how to manage their time, how to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses, and they are mastering the material the public school was willing to pass with far less than mastery.

I think I made the right choice. Totally.

Why do you homeschool? Or, why are you considering it?

A Day in the Life

2010-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today begins our third week in our third year of homeschooling and using the K12 virtual academy.

I almost didn't homeschool the boys this year. I felt like such a failure at the end of last year that I thought there was no way I could do it again.

But, man. Am I glad I didn't give up.

Because this year is already going so much better than the last couple years and I have every reason to expect that it will continue to go well. Of course we'll have our rough spots, but as long as the good outweighs the bad, it's all good, right?

So, I thought I'd give a little glimpse into what our days are like right now:

8:00 a.m. ~ Boys get up, one of them showers, they get their teeth brushed, tidy up their rooms, make their beds, go downstairs and get started on their chores.

Their chores are: Feed and walk the dog, scoop the poops in the backyard. Unload the dishwasher. Take out the kitchen garbage (recycling and regular). Plus other chores as needed.

Have breakfast ~ they prefer just cold cereal, so they get that themselves.

They play on their computers until I'm ready to start school.

8:20 a.m. ~ I exercise. Or at least, that's the plan. :)

9:45 a.m. ~ Check my email, log in to the K12 site, settle in to start my day at the computer.

10:00 a.m. ~ Usually around this time we're ready to start school.

Right now we're only doing science, which we will have completed by the time we take our Christmas break. We'll add history to the core subjects in the New Year.

We do a lesson of science together. We sit on the couch with my laptop, a child to each side of me. We take turns reading through the screens, then we do our science test in an open-book fashion.

The boys then work through their lessons, with occasional help from me.

12:00 p.m. ~ We break for lunch. The boys make lunch Mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri, and I make lunch on Wednesday. They each picked two lunches they'd like to make; I taught them how to make it, and now we have a menu for the week so each boy knows what and how to make lunch.

Most days Xan is done school for the day by the time we break for lunch.

1:00 p.m. ~ Around this time, or maybe a little earlier, we head back into the office and finish up school.

And that's it! Pretty easy, right? Even if we have harder lessons on a day, there's plenty of time to get it done and still have our work completed before their friends get home from school.

In the afternoon, I write for a couple hours while the boys play. Usually they like to play on their computers and I'm okay with that as long as they play with friends when the local public school gets out.

We also have piano at 2:00 p.m. on Tuesdays and karate lessons a couple nights a week for a couple hours each night, and scouts once a week.

I hope this helps put your day into perspective. How do our days differ from your own?

One Week Down, Thirty Five to Go

2010-09-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

And, amazingly, we didn't die!

We didn't even cry ourselves to sleep every night!

Charlie did cry the first two days, bemoaning his unwillingness to try at school, math in particular. But by Thursday he'd remembered, or realized, again that things are not so bad at all when he keeps a positive attitude.

AND, we've done science every day and didn't hate it as much as we used to. Huzzah!

So all in all, it was a much better first week than we'd even dared to hope for. I really had been nervous about homeschooling this year. I felt like I was completely sucking the previous two years and while the boys progressed, it was hard, hard work.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking, well nothing good in life comes easily. And that may be true, but let me tell you, it sure is fun to have a school day with smiles instead of tears.

How about you? How have your first days been?

Making a Schedule You Can Live With

2010-08-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the beginning of our school year. I school my two boys at home--not traditional homeschool, because we use the K12 curriculum which has a charter here in Utah so we're subject to all the standardized testing (which means I can't break my kids--or at least, mostly!), but still, homeschooling none the less. As you can imagine, homeschooling, being a career writer (that's my fancy way of saying I'm not writing for a hobby, but for publication), and running a household with all the myriad responsibilities that entails and all the other stuff that go into making a life, starting today I'm going to be busy. Or busier. ;)

I've had some people ask how I do it. And the answer's simple: I make a plan.

And then I always get asked: How do you make a plan? But that's not quite as simple.

Still, I thought, since this is fresh on my mind, I'd share my schedule-making method.

Make a list of all the different parts of your life. My list includes: health, family, school, writing, home.
Under each part (above) list what your daily responsibilities include. Mine says: HEALTH/exercise, FAMILY/family prayer, family scripture reading, boys' activities, WRITING/1hr, networking, etc.
Then, beside each responsibility or task, mark how much time you need for each. For instance, I need a solid block of an hour and twenty minutes for exercise every day, and an hour for writing plus an hour for networking (or more, lol.)
Make a list the hours of your day on the left, then block off each hour on the right with your activities.
Remember that any good schedule is one that can flex as needed--your schedule is there to help you, not hinder you!
Also remember, your schedule is yours. Don't worry if you think you do less than someone else. If it helps you manage your time, and more precisely manage what's important to you, then your schedule is working. Yay!

And just one more thing. I had a wise and kind friend offer me some advice my first year homeschooling. When asked how she handles all the demands on her time, particularly those that come from other people, she said, "I just remember that a yes to someone else, is a no to my family." That advice has helped me more than any other.

So I say to you, whatever it is that's important to you, no one else will value it as much as you do. Stick to your guns and remember a yes to something/someone else, is a no to what's important to you. Protect your time and give value where it's due in your life.

How do make sure the things you value most in life get the time and attention they deserve?

Back in the Saddle and School Events

2009-09-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

Yay! I'm still here! It's kind of embarrassing coming back after so long a hiatus, but perhaps you'll imagine I was just taking the summer off. You wouldn't be wrong ;) Just maybe there's more to it than that. Like laziness. Lack of creativity . . . Hmm . . . I think I like the summer holiday idea much better!

We started back to school "officially" the last week of August, though I can hardly say we've made a real good try at it yet. Between one interruption or the other, including school activities, holidays, vacations, and illnesses, we've managed maybe a handful of actual school days. Not to fret though, we are still doing just fine and I'm not at all worried.

*grin*

I'm very happy to say that already this year I feel like there has been much improvement. We all felt ready to take on our year and not a single moment of regret for our decision to homeschool again. When we started back, we intuitively tweaked our routine just a tiny bit and for the few days we've been schooling, it's working quite well for us.

In general, I feel very relaxed and comfortable with my role in all this and the boys seem to have similar feelings. We're looking forward to a fun-filled and productive year. Yeah!

As for activities, we've been to two so far, the storytelling festival at Timpanogas and the State Fair today. Today's was the best ever because (drum roll please) we made a friend! The boys made a friend and I made friends with the boy's mother and hurray! It made all the difference in our enjoyment of the day. Never mind that we got totally rained out.

Last year I was a real wallflower at all the K12 events, but I'm determined to change that this year. I need friends. The boys need friends. Friends who are doing what we're doing. I'm very glad that today we made some real progress in that regard. Wonderful friends, too.

Tomorrow we having nothing going on but school so I'm looking forward to getting some real work done. I'd love to hear how you are doing. Have you started back to school yet? How's it going? Did you change how you are doing things this year from last? What are you most looking forward to? What are you most dreading? I'll answer my own questions next time I blog. Have a good one!

Looking Forward

2009-06-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

I apologize for being a fair-weather blogger.

But probably my lack of blogging about our school experiences is a good indicator of what’s going on here. Nothing. No schooling whatsoever.

Oh, we met our 80% benchmark and were able to put in our order for next year’s materials. However, we so far are not doing what I intended to do, and that was to continue.

I thought it made perfect sense to do 80% during the school year, and then casually plug away at the remaining 20% over the course of the summer. That way, we wouldn’t have the loss of knowledge that so many students suffer from because of the summer break.

I tell myself that it’s all good. It’s only been a couple weeks since school ‘let out’ and it’s perfectly acceptable for us to enjoy a little holiday. I’m just worried I won’t follow through and get back to work when our vacation is over. We are leaving for San Diego this week and I hope that we can add some light schooling back into our life once we return.

In the meantime, these are the things I’m thinking about:

I need to look into some schooling tips and advice for children with ADD. I found working with Charlie to be extremely difficult this year. If he was ‘in the mood’ or properly motivated/interested, he did great in school—if not, he did terribly. As in puddle-on-the-floor-crying-his-eyes-out terrible.
Improving our school organization so that the boys can more easily see their materials. Cleaning out my drawers and stuff so I can better store their papers and such.
Do some research into how to be a better homeschooling mom. LC seems to enjoy really fun lessons with her girls. Similarly, Aly, has blogged about neat experiences she’s had while schooling her children. I don’t do any of those things. I am a very task-oriented person with no natural sense of fun. At least, not when it comes to teaching. I do what I’m told to do, nothing more, and sometimes less. I’m not going to expect miracles of myself (that was last year and I let myself down horrendously. I refuse to do that again!) but I do want to be prepared with a few ideas at hand in case the moment strikes me as right and I can add a little flavor to our lessons.

I think that might be the biggest stuff on my mind right now. I hope to do better this next year. In fact, I know I will. I survived the first and hardest year of homeschooling with definite positives to shine the way into the future.

Our home life is happier, less caustic, people are generally more loving and less argumentative. We have greater respect for one another. We like each other more. Personally and socially, this year has been the best one since I became a mother. Now we just need to work on enjoying those same wonderful benefits in our academic life too.

What about you? Where are you at, as your school year draws to a close? Do you feel it went well? Are there things you will aim to improve this next school year?

I just joined The Homeschool Lounge and would really like to increase my circle of friends who homeschool. I need to learn from you, I need your friendship.

A Tag of Eights

2009-05-26T21:15:00.001-07:00

It's been a long while since I've played a game of tag so when Shawntele tagged me, I was game (hardee har har.)

Here be Da Rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged you.
2. Complete the list of 8's.
3. Tag 8 other bloggers.
4. Tell them they have been tagged.

Eight Things I Look Forward To:

Getting my first book deal.
Losing the extra weight I'm carrying around.
Getting fit and being healthy.
Karen's photo shoot on Thursday.
San Diego with the family in June.
Seeing my sister again.
Finishing up Jump Boys and getting it into Shadow Mountain's hands.
Being a working, successful published author. :D

Eight Things I Did Yesterday

Slept in.
Had lunch with the fam at Red Robin.
Took the boys to see Star Trek and loved it--again!
Got rejected by a publisher.
Cried my eyes out.
Talked with friends.
Got hugged and held by my sweet honey.
Read a lot.

Eight Things I Wish I Could Do

Jump on a plane and visit my sister right now.
Deal better with Charlie on his 'off' days.
Be more consistent in going to karate.
Be a faster reader.
Be a more creative homeschooling mom.
Sing in an opera production again.
Make a CD.
Be published, lol.

Eight Shows I Watch

Smallville
Medium
Dollhouse
CSI
Eureka
So You Think You Can Dance
America's Funniest Home Videos
Chuck

Eight Friends I Am Tagging:

And there you have it! Crazy Eights, lol.

As you can tell, I'm back ... sort of. No promises, but I'm slowly starting to feel like myself again.

Don't be a stranger :) And if you haven't done it already, I'd love it if you became a follower. I'm a writer--I need constant reminders that I am loved ;)

Taking a Mental Vacation

2009-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hi ya Folks,

I'm dropping by to tell ya'll that I'm not going to be blogging for a bit. Hopefully just a week, but perhaps longer. Or maybe I'll be back tomorrow. That's my prerogative, right? Keep ya guessing--that's my goal.

Don't worry, nothing's going on ... I just need to have a clear head with my writing right now and I'm finding there are too many voices talking at once. I need to give everybody a chance to say their peace so I can figure out what the heck they're all talking about. It's so noisy in my head, I can't even hear myself think.

So I'm going to go hang out with Me, Myself and I for a while, have some good heart-to-hearts, a regular ol' pow wow and see if I can't get some work done.

Forgive me if I'm not posting--especially, forgive me for not visiting your own blogs over the next while--and in the famous words of Arnold a la Terminator "I'll be bahck."

Till then, take care, adios, adieu.

Compromise

2009-04-17T09:17:00.001-07:00

In any good relationship, it's all about the compromise. And home schooling is no different. You compromise when you'll do school and when you'll play. House work and school work. It's a relationship of agreements and compromise.

And sometimes when we compromise, we have to give up something we'd hoped for and be happy with something else.

I really wanted to have all of our subjects completed to the required 80% by May 22nd. But with a few days off for spring break and for general spring fever craziness, we've fallen behind. Now, with testing next week and a writers' conference for me, we are very stressed trying to get all of our work done by the 22nd of May.

Enter, Compromise, and let the stress-free living begin!

Though it was my hope, I'm perfectly content to concentrate on Math and Language Arts alone for the next few weeks and work on History and Science through the summer. I had expected to do some schooling through the summer months, so really, this was an easy decision.

Now we can relax a bit, concentrate on Math and Language Arts and enjoy our History and Science at a more reasonable pace through the summer.

Next school year, I will understand much better what I need to do to help our school year run more effectively and enjoyably for all of us. I'm excited about that! I really enjoy home schooling, but I don't enjoy feeling stressed out and like I'm failing all the time. This first year has definitely been a challenge, but we've learned a lot and can look forward to a more fun and productive experience next year.

Hurray for Compromise!

Crying In My Soup

2009-04-15T10:52:00.001-07:00

It's rainy and muddy outside and that's about how I feel inside too.

Yes, that's right. I'm frowning. I'm whining. I'm crying in my soup.

I am feeling as dumb as my kids say they feel. I don't know how to teach them some stuff. I'm stumped, I'm stupid. They're stumped. They feel stupid too. We're having a stupid-fest here.

I even had to break down and call our teacher to ask for help. Which tells you one of my problems right there--I shouldn't feel like calling our teacher for help is a matter of "breaking down." She's there to help us, I should use her. Umm, no.

Charlie is having trouble reading directions on his tests. He can't seem to follow multiple directions.

Xander doesn't understand front-end estimation--he wants to answer the questions properly, rather than estimating them. I have no idea what front-end estimation is either. I swear I never learned that.

The BIG TEST is next week and we haven't practiced for it at all. I suspect my guys might totally blow it. I've made them stupider this year. Or so I fear.

Of course our teacher, wonderful, awesome, Mrs. Baggely, encouraged me and tried to placate me, but I'm still worried.

At this moment, I can't wait for school to be over and to be free of this enormous burden of guilt and stress--at least for a short while.

I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in. We will home school again next year. But for the moment, I'm going to enjoy a good ol' pout. So there. (she says with arms crossed on her chest and and her foot stomped on the ground.)

Spring Break!

2009-04-08T15:49:00.001-07:00

We are taking an extended Spring Break--not on purpose, but entirely by accident. I *think* our principle took into account a spring break in the figuring of our completion percentages but even so, I'm sad to think we might not make it now. We were so close. And it's not over yet, I know. We may *yet* be able to get it done. But I'm not sure. It could go either way, lol.

Thing is, we've just SO needed a break.

And so . . . a break it is.

Officially we were only going to take this Thursday, Friday and Monday off because that's when the neighbor kids are off. But it's turned out that we've only worked a handful of part-days and just plain took today off.

Oh well. C'est la vie, right?

Taking Pride In What We Are Doing

2009-03-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

When I first started homeschooling, I was sort of embarrassed to admit what I was doing. At the local elementary school's book fair, I tried to slip in and out without being noticed. I held my head down in that age old "don't look at me" posture. Picture women from the polygamist compound caught on tape.

It's taken almost an entire school year, but I find I can now hold my head high.

We went back to the elementary school a few weeks ago for another book fair and man, I felt proud walking through those doors!

I felt like a great mom, with great kids. I am proud of what we've done, proud of who we are as a family. Proud of our choices in a world where it's hard to go against the grain.

Happy To Be Stuck With You

2009-03-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well, the end is in sight and I find myself reflecting on the year, how it's gone, how I hope to do better, how I am so grateful.

I am grateful for my children and for the opportunity we've had to be together this year. It truly has been a blessing for us. Logically, you'd think we'd be sick of each other by now, but strangely we're not. We are closer--not only me with the boys, but the boys with each other.

We are happy to be stuck together.

When David and I got married, this is the song we danced to. It's long been a happy memory for us, because no matter what life throws at us, at least we get to deal with it together. I feel that way with my boys. What an awesome year it's been!

Activities

2009-03-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

I think it's important for families who homeschool to get out there and participate in a variety of activities. I admit that so far, neither the boys nor I have made any real connections at these activities, nevertheless, that too is a work in progress.

Yesterday, our school had March Marble and Math Madness. This was probably the third K12 activity that we have attended, not including Tennis Club. It was the best one so far.

Charlie was the photographer for these shots of yesterdays' events.

Not so much in what we did (the boys probably enjoyed The Children's Museum best of all) but because we all made some connections.

We met people we've seen at other events and were able to feel that friendly, comfortable sensation of belonging. We are very slowly building relationships and making friends.

We need to do this a lot more, I think, so that those friendships can really stick. I think many families that homeschool tend to get stuck in the comfort zone of their own home. It is so easy to do. But I think it's important not only for the children, but for the moms as well.

Tomorrow I'll start going back to Tami's playgroup. She's changed the day from Friday to Thursday which makes me happy because it'll be easier for me to attend now. And I really need that association.

Even the photographer needs to get in the picture now and then.

I encourage you to reach out and make some connections of your own. It's worth the effort. I promise!

Xan and his favorite gold marble which, unfortunately, did not make it home with him.

Flexibility

2009-03-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last time I posted I quoted my friend Tami who had commented here that she was caught up and was now cutting back on the amount of school she was doing. I thought that meant she was nearly totally done with their schooling. But I was mistaken.

Tami only strives to reach that 80% benchmark K12 requires by the end of the year in order to order your next years' supplies--this is advantageous because it means you'll get your next years' supplies in July or August, rather than waiting until those months to even put in your order.

Then, Tami has the ability to continue working that last 20% over the summer months with her kids. The advantage to doing that is that the family never entirely loses it's routine and the kids don't fall out of knowledge.

At first, I thought I really needed that long summer break, but in closer examination, I think that could perhaps be detrimental to both the boys AND me. By only doing 20% of the course work over the summer (and even then it can be pretty laid back as everything that's accomplished at that point is just gravy, so to speak) we can still enjoy a relaxed summer without losing all the hard-earned knowledge.

So, we've decided to follow in Tami's footsteps!

We'll be homeschooling year 'round, doing 80% between August and May and 20% or less between May and August.

I talked it over with my boys to get their opinion. Of course, they aren't thrilled at the idea of having to do school at all during the summer, but I also think they can see the positive side of it too. I think we can all agree, this is a win/win for us.

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes!

Decision Time

2009-03-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

The time has come to decide whether K12 is working for us or not. Should we stay with the program? Or should we try a different homeschooling approach? Or should we re-enroll the boys in a bricks-and-mortar school?

And the decision is ... We will stay with K12.

Amazingly, it really wasn't a decision at all. It just is. We are a K12 family.

Though I was surprised by my boys' response. They want to stay with the program.

I hope we have a better year next year. I feel confident we will.

Did you happen to see Tami's comment from my last blog? She wrote:

"We have caught up to where I want so we now adjusted our days to k12. Tayler will Tue Wed Thur Fri, and Tanner and Teralyn will k12 on Tue Wed Thur only. This gives them days to do other things. Gardening time is coming up next week and other things we want to do."

This year we really didn't figure out a good schedule for school until January. And the boys didn't grasp their responsibility in their education until perhaps this last month or so--thanks to Love & Logic.

Next year though, I think we'll all have a much better idea of what to expect--not only from the program, but from ourselves.

I kind of can't believe that I am going to willingly take on another year of homeschooling, but I also can't imagine it any other way. This is just how it is. We are a K12 family.

How about you?

What's Working For Us

2009-03-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted about our day, so I thought I'd thrill you with the details :)

Xander wanted a picture of him and Jack so it's here just because :)

This is what I've been doing lately that has been working for us:

Every weekend, I spend a couple hours (yes it takes me hours, I'm super slow though I'm sure) and go through each boys' lesson list to make them a schedule for the week. I could print out the weekly view sheet, but we found we liked to have little boxes they could check off for each item in the lesson.

This is Charlie getting ready to do a unit review in History.

For instance, with K12's weekly view printout, you'd see the lesson title and number only.

When I do it, I put the lesson title and number, but then list below each item that needs to be completed before the lesson is done. So it might look something like:

MATH 4:12

online student activity
pig 235, 236 (we call the math textbooks the ugly pig books because of the pictures, lol)
big or small w/s (a worksheet)
assessment
Charlie's to-do list for this week. He or I check off the items that have been completed.
Sometimes he goes straight to the assessment, if he feels he can handle it.

The boys are responsible for checking off each item as it is completed.

I print out their to-do list with all the lessons they need to do for the week. Using columns, I can fit it all onto one page. They do six math lessons, eight language arts lessons (but in Xander's

case, it equals many more smaller lessons since the lessons are broken down into subject matter for him), four history, five science and several spanish lessons, each week.

At the top of their page, I tell them how many lessons they need to complete each day. So they know they need to complete five or eight lessons a day, whichever it might be.

Xander standing in front of our school shelf.
They each have their own shelf, and I do too.

Charlie having a bad-attitude day :)

I also print out every one of their worksheets and such and file them in my "Secretary". That way, the boys can do many things on their own if they are feeling proactive.

On the left you can see the tabbed folders I use in my Secretary to keep handouts and tests for each subject. The boys can find their own stuff easily.

We start our school day at around 10:00 in the morning, and go until 2:00 or 2:30 with a lunch break. The boys take fifteen minute breaks between every two lessons.

And there you have it! What's been working for you?

A Love & Logic Update

2009-03-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

It's been a couple weeks since my last Love & Logic class, so I thought I ought to report on how we're doing.

And, we're doing great! At least, in regard to school, we're doing great.

I've found it incredibly liberating using the Love & Logic approach to school work. The boys have complete control over what lessons they do each day (with the exception of History which I do only on Tuesday and Thursday) and they are in charge of whether they get done or not. I just need to show up, do my own thing at the computer, and be willing to help them/teach them, if they ask me.

Some days, they goof off a lot and then find themselves without me to help and without any privileges to play the computer or play with friends.

Those days are so sad.

But, I'm okay with them :)

The good news is, those days are few and far between and, come to think about it, haven't happened at all for the past week or so. They are learning how to make this program work for them.

I still haven't sat down and figured out what could be the choices I give the guys for household stuff. Like how do you get them to brush their teeth? I mean, the natural consequences of not caring for your teeth are not ones I'm happy with so ... ??? I have no idea. I need to work on those things, but I'm happy to report that as far as school is concerned, Love & Logic has been a life-saver!

Fully Awesome!

We Have Reading!!

2009-02-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely thrilled to announce that the reading bug has finally bitten Charlie!

Something you may not know about me: I am a wannabe author, a full time writer, a dreamer, a nut. But the good news is that my obsession puts me in touch with tons of awesome authors and sometimes I get to read their stuff before the average book-store going, library book borrowing person gets to read them.

And because of that privilege I've been able to read some books I might not otherwise have known about or had the opportunity to read.

And because I get to read these books, they are in my home, laying around, just waiting for the bored hands of a child to pick up and thumb through.

Such was the case with Xander who was growing bored of our nightly reading routine and asked for something--anything--to read. Not having a whole library of young reader stuff to draw from, I threw him a copy of James Dashners' A Door In The Woods, and said, "Here, try this."

Whaddya know, he loved it. And that one book became the rolling stone that has gathered up bunches and bunches of moss, namely books by the dozens. Xander is a prolific reader, reading faster than me, and loving every minute of it.

But that still left Charlie--bookless, and reading-desire-less.

That is, until this week.

It all started when last week, an author friend of mine, Rebecca Shelley, dropped off her latest book The Brass Dragon Codex for me to read and review.

I barely had it a day when Xan, hungry once more for something new to read, stole it from me. He loved it (which is saying something because now that he's become a reading guru, he's rather careful about throwing around the love word).

Then I got the book back and I loved it too. I thought--just thought, mind you--that Charlie might like it too. If he would give it a chance.

I casually tossed it on the steps and said "I put The Brass Dragon Codex on the stairs in case you want to read it. I think you might really like it."

To my great surprise, he took it up with him when he went to bed that night.

To my even greater surprise, he actually read it.

And--this is where I had to be scraped off the floor with a sharp-edged spatula--to my great shock and joy, he loved it.

That first night he read four chapters. That's four more chapters than he's ever read before. Oh, he's been toying with reading for the past four months or so, but hasn't really delved into any books before now. He only liked books with pictures, only liked books with not a lot of words, only liked books about war.

The Brass Dragon Codex doesn't have any pictures, has some fighting scenes, but nothing about the Revolutionary War or Civil War, and is much bigger than a Magic Treehouse book.

And he's not faking it either. (Which I had considered.)

Each day he comes down in the morning to tell me what new chapter he's on and what's happening in the book.

It. Is. So. Freakin'. Awesome.

I. Am. A. Happy. Happy. Mom.

If you want to read my review on The Brass Dragon Codex, just click here. You can buy it from that link too. But that wasn't really my purpose today. Today was just to smile big in your face and shout "Hurray for reading!!"

Let's Get Real

2009-02-12T13:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so somehow I've given the impression that I know what I'm doing or that things are going spankingly awesome here in my house.

Uhh. No.

Sorry.

In fact, I've been having a very bad week and thought, in the interest of keepin' it real, you ought to know.

Here are the problems I'm having in our transition to K12:

I don't have any control over what my kids do and it's driving me crazy.
I'm feeling resentful and maybe even a little angry about their choices.
Being out of control is making me feel depressed. :(
I feel like Love and Logic is a little passive-aggressive. I mean, why not just tell my boys what I want from them, or expect from them? The whole "Bummer. Well, feel free to join us for dinner when you're done your school work." feels so . . . contrived.

This is not to say that I am throwing in the towel. Just that it's hard. Darn hard. And, like I said, I'm feeling kind of depressed about it all.

I am raising men here. I know that. And I don't want them to grow up to be men that need to be nagged by their mommies--oops, I mean, wives. So for that purpose, I will keep trying to make Love and Logic part of my life. But man, it's h-a-r-d.

So there you have it. The real deal. It ain't so pretty is it?

It's All About Choices

2009-01-28T13:48:00.000-08:00

If you're like me, then the one thing you do know about Love and Logic is that it's about choosing. You hear L&L parents saying things like, "Would you rather go to Susie's house, or stay home and play?" It's all about the choices.

At our class, they said, "Every rule you set, your child comes to NEED."

At first, I stumbled over that, not really understanding what they meant.

But then they said, "Set as many rules as necessary, and as few as possible."

Then I began to understand.

Your children should be free to make as many choices for themselves as possible. Letting them make choices, and consequently often fail, while the cost is low, or there's little real risk to the child, sets them up to be able to make good choices when the choices really count.

Whew, how's that for a run-on sentence?

It makes sense if you really think about it. If we are forever setting the rules and our kids willingly obey, what are we really teaching them? To always look to someone else to have the final say, to have a fall-guy, a scape-goat they can blame when their life doesn't go the way they want it to. Worse, not only will they not really have control over their lives, nor accept the blame for their poor turnout, they won't know how to fix it.

However, if they realize that life is full of choices, starting with the easy ones today like, "Would you rather do Math or Language Arts?" Or, "Do you want to do your work at the kitchen table, or at your desk?" they will be equipped to look for the choices in their life and be prepared to make the choice themselves, rather than looking to someone else to choose for them.

The keys to giving good choices to your kids, is to always provide two choices that you are extremely happy with. Two options that you would be thrilled for your kid to do. And don't give more than two choices, either.

My biggest problem in implementing this technique has been creativity. I've been coming up short on choices for them. But, I think with practice, many things will become second nature, at least that's how it sounded from the class.

They gave us some great choices we can provide for our kids regarding school:

Math or L.A.?
Odds or even? (I have to admit, I'm not sure what is meant here.)
Couch or chair?
10 or 15 minute break?
Clean up now, or before lunch?
Pen or pencil?
This book, or that one?

You get the idea.

Another great line they gave us last week was "I love ya too much to nag ya." I LOVE that line! I've used it a ton this past week. So, after your kid has made his or her choice, leave them be. Let them fail, if they're going to fail, because you love them too much to nag them. Nagging is just more of that same old stuff that gives your kid an out. They know they don't have to think for themselves or plan their day, because mom will nag them when they're starting to run out of time, right?

Just let them make their choices and then let them be. They'll thank you for it one day! And you'll be a lot less stressed now.

Last week I put all this into practice. I provided the boys the list of the required school work for the week and provided them with four hours of "wonderful learning time" as Deslynn put it, (love that!) and then, just did my own thing.

It was awesome!!

They came to me with questions or for help, which I was happy to give, but otherwise, I let the stress or responsibility of their work just slip right off my shoulders. I got a lot of my own stuff done! I tell ya, it was like a holiday!

And when Saturday came and Charlie still hadn't completed all his work and had to miss out on some cherished friend time because of it, it wasn't me who caused the tears in his eyes.

He said, "It's all my fault! I should have done my work sooner!" This from the child who is the consummate blamer. Everything bad in his life is someone else's fault and he's often angry at other people for his suffering.

This week, rather than me nagging saying, "Come on guys! It's time for school already!" (with a big ol' arrrgghhh in my voice,) I'm just going about my business. I let them know I'm in my office now so if they have any questions, I'll be available to help them until such and such a time. Then . . . I let them be.

They are still making choices I don't exactly approve of, choosing to put off their work and so forth. But today, they buckled down and did a number of lessons largely on their own, and I've overheard them talking together about planning their week and how they can get their lessons done and still have time for the things they enjoy.

They're learning! And I'm happy! And relaxed!

Like I said, Love and Logic, is awesome!

If you haven't already done so, check out Deslynn's blog for even more tips on how to implement Love and Logic into your parenting and homeschooling. Also, Deslynn is awesome about helping out if you have questions too.

The Energy Drain and Wizard 101

2009-01-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

What does an online video game have to do with draining your energy? Or why am I even writing about either of those subjects on a homeschooling blog?

Well, let me tell you! (Step right up!)

OK, so you know I'm taking this Love & Logic class for homeschooling families. Last week's class was especially interesting to me, and I'd like to talk about one of the Love & Logic techniques they taught.

It's called the Energy Drain.

Have you ever had a child bouncing around you, throwing chatter at you like volleys from the enemy, and felt that you could feel yourself getting weaker and more and more exhausted that you just had to go sit down? Or felt your blood boiling inside your veins when your children are bickering for the thousandth time, and you just have to explode, sending them all to their rooms and falling just short of pulling all your hair out?

If you have, then you've experienced the Energy Drain.

It happens any time our children weary us. When they talk incessently without giving us a second to think. When they don't do what we've asked them to do, though we repeated it a million times. When they fight us on school tasks, home chores or any number of other things that we ask of them. I'm sure you could think of at least a dozen other ways your children weary you.

Here's what Love & Logic suggests you do, when your children are wearing you out:

When you (fill in the blank), it really drains the energy out of me. So, instead of allowing the behavior to continue, or getting freakishly angry, state the fact of your being. You're getting worn out, and your children are causing it.
Instead of freaking out, yelling and sending people to their rooms, say "It always feels better when (fill in the blank)" and let them know the kind of behavior that makes you happy.
If your children insist on complaining to you, or including you in their sibling arguments, ask "Do you really want me to spend my energy on this?" because if you do, you might have less for something else, something more important to them.
Post a list of Energy Replacements in a place where your children can see them. These might include chores you don't normally do, but that always need done. Or things your children could do for you that would please you, like pay for a babysitter so you can go out for some alone time, or draw you a bath and give you some uninterrupted time. The list will be unique to you but must include things that would truly be a benefit and blessing to you.

At first when I heard this, I couldn't imagine myself ever using those words "draining my energy," but I thought the concept was interesting and talked with my husband about it. That's where the video game comes in.

We play Wizard 101 together as a family. My husband travels a lot, but while he's away, we get online together every night and play this game together. We each have our own avatars in the game, and we can talk to each other, like instant messaging, but in live time right in the game. So it's like we're there having a conversation together. We play games together, battle bad guys together. We feel connected in this way.

In the game, there is a spell wizards can cast called the Fire Elf. It's an annoying little spell that has a tiny red elf bouncing around giggling until he pounds you with a small explosion and then continues to run around you for three more rounds, each round hitting you with increasingly damaging explosions.

David doesnt' hesitate to equate Xander's incessant chatter to the Fire Elf. He thinks "energy drain" is like the snow-globe filled with red liquid that represents our wizards' health in the game, their energy.

We talked for a long while about how we could relate the things the boys do in real life to spells we cast in Wizard 101. And how the draining of energy in real life is very much like the draining of health from the red globe in the game.

So now over the past few days we've been using the Energy Drain and relating it to the game. The boys laugh, but totally get it because they have the visual in their heads, they understand.

It's been a fun and light-hearted way for us to introduce this new technique into our family. So far, we've been benefitting greatly from this class and from the Love & Logic techniques. I'm glad I am taking it!

Never Let Them See You Sweat

2009-01-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

The Washington Online School is offering a Love & Logic class this winter and I signed up for it. It's through Elluminate so I can take the class from the comfort of my own home, and it's geared specifically toward homeschoolers, which is primarily why I signed up for the class.

The first class was this past Thursday. The instructors are Deslynn and Dave Mecham; you can visit their new blog here, plus I'm going to add it to the sidebar for future reference.

I realized that I already follow many of the Love & Logic teachings. I learned them when our older son was living at home and we were challenged to parent him; Love & Logic didn't work with him because he was incapable of being motivated by love OR logic. However, the techniques produce excellent results with healthy children.

But, I did need a good reminder of things I'd forgotten, and the one that hit me like a smack upside the head was, never let them see you sweat.

When I've struggled with the boys during school time, when things haven't worked out the way I planned them, I've responded with frustration and disappointment. My dear, sweet, loving boys, though nearly perfect, do like to take advantage of me if I appear weak or vulnerable.

No matter their goodness at heart, children are not dissimilar to pack animals who sense a weak member of their pack - they'll turn on you in an instant.

So, listening to the class, I realized that I've been shooting myself in the foot by allowing the boys to see my frustration when school didn't go smoothly.

Love & Logic teaches that I should put all the responsibility on the days' school accomplishments squarely on the boys' shoulders. If they spend all day goofing off in their room instead of getting down to do their work, then it's their problem, not mine. I cannot allow it to be mine.

I have my jobs in the family, and the boys have theirs. Out of love for them, I need to let them be responsible for themselves. Using logic, they will learn to manage themselves and we will all be happier.

So I'm going to practice keeping my cool this week. Don't mistake me, I'm not a freak-out kind of mom, but I do get disappointed in myself when things don't go smoothly, and the boys know I'm willing to put the blame in myself rather than on them. But no more, my friends! I am going to give the boys clear instructions on what is expected of them each day and the time during which I am available to help them. The rest, is up to them.

A Happy New Attitude

2009-01-01T17:25:00.001-08:00

Well, it's 2009 and everything's gonna be just fine.

Right?

At least, that's the plan.

I'm kind of nervous and excited to start the new school year.

I'm nervous because I'd planned to do some school during this past week because we're a little behind, but that didn't happen. But, I'm trying to not to be hard on myself. It's a new year, a new day, and it's onward, and upward! So, I'm a little worried that we won't be able to get the necessary amount of work done in order for the boys to advance to the next grade. I'll need to talk to our teacher about that.

I'm excited because the last several weeks of school I was really starting to get a better handle on the how of this homeschooling thing. I began to figure out how I needed to organize myself in order to manage the day of leessons. I'm starting to see what organization tools I'm missing that will help me run our 'classroom' better. I'm getting a feel for how the K12 online tools work so I'm moving more quickly through them, which helps a tons.

There's a lot to be happy about. And the things I'm nervous about, well, we'll work through that and everything will be okay. Now that we're getting better at running our days, I think we can start adding a class or two to each day in order to get caught up.

Happy New Year!

Heading for the Holidays

2008-12-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, sorry I haven't been around for so long ... I had PRK vision correction surgery done a whole month ago and I still can't read well. It's very frustrating!

But I can see a tiny bit tonight, so I thought I would drop in to let you know I hadn't completely dropped off of the face of the planet.

Things have been going very well lately with school. I'm ashamed to admit that I've found my boys' price: video games. If I let them have half an hour of gaming time for having a good attitude during school, then they will work hard and quickly for me. Amazing! Ta Da! It's a price I'm willing to pay.

As a result, they've been working hard and not only do they get that coveted game time, but they also get done school pretty quickly. So what before would take four hours or so, now takes only two, if that. Amazing again!

However, now that we're heading to the holidays, I'm having a harder time keeping school going. I'm distracted and 'busy' and it's hard to focus on school. How are you doing? Are you staying focuses, even with the busy-ness of the holidays?

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

You Know It's All Worth It When ...

2008-11-09T20:32:00.000-08:00

My Charlie, who I've pegged as a generally contrary child (albeit generally a good boy, he doesn't like many things) has truly been a changed guy lately. For about a month (so pretty much around the time I started to have a complete melt down because I wasn't getting through to him) he has been the most affectionate, loving guy.

This is new.

He's always been pretty retiscent and not the first one to jump in line for hugs, or for time with Mom (although he liked spending time with Dad). However, all that has changed.

The first time I noticed that Charlie's demeanor was changing, was when he had to do a Public Speaking assignment as part of one of his Language Arts lessons. He has never before been able to memorize poems and such and to deliver them in front of people.

However, he's twice now memorized a poem and delivered it, not just to me during class time, but later for his Dad and brother too. He's been very proud of his excellent public speaking skills.

He is seaking out hugs, asking for snuggle time and speaking up during family discussions. He is smiling and laughing, and his contrary self has been nowhere in sight for a while now.

Tonight, while I was tucking him in, I said I thought maybe aliens had abducted him and replaced him with a new and improved model. Of course he thought that was hysterical, but was quick to assure me that he was still just Charlie.

When I asked him why, then he was seeming so much happier and snugglier, he said (and this is gold)

"Because I'm believing in myself more."

And that, boys and girls, is what makes all of it - everything - absolutely and undeniably, worth it.

Why We Do The Hard Things

2008-11-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

This homeschooling thing ain't easy.

It is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. It's certainly the least selfish thing and I'm just about the most selfish person I know. I'm all about 'my' time, my writing time, my photography time, my, mine, me.

Maybe some moms choose to homeschool out of a sort of selfishness--because they believe they can do better, or they want to control what happens in their kids lives. I have some of those reasons, I'm sure, too. My biggest selfish reason for homeschooling is that I wanted to have more times with my boys. But that's kind of one of those gray selfish areas, it serves a good and generous purpose too. A win/win. :)

But I wanted to share the good that my husband and I have been recognizing from our efforts, especially on the heels of my recent struggles.

There have been far fewer fights between my two boys. Less hassling, more sharing and cooperating. Charlie even called Xander his best friend today. That was huge.
The boys no longer turn into zombies when they watch TV or play video games. (more on that later)
Charlie has grown in his confidence by leaps and bounds. It is truly amazing. He speaks out more clearly, speaks his mind more often, and shares his insights when he used to just listen and take it all in. I have loved getting to know him better.
Xander has been able to expand his mind by reading whatever he can get his hands on--he has the time, now, to do that and he loves it. And I love seeing a book worm grow right before my eyes.
The boys are generally far more compliant and quick to respond to my requests for help or for them to do chores. (I think this also relates to the zombie thing)

I'm sure there are many more, these are just a few that quickly come to mind.

About zombies. It used to be, when the boys were in a traditional brick and mortar public school, that they would come home exhausted and want to 'zone out' in front of the TV or computer. It truly was zoning out, and they only did those things because they were minimally participatory and they were too tired to do anything else--and heaven forbid they take a nap. Big kids don't do that sort of thing.

I would typically let them have a short time to decompress after school, however they needed to do it. But I had to be careful not to let them have too much 'screen time', because otherwise, they would turn into zombies. You could recognize when they had had too much screen time and they were now zombies because they couldn't hear you when you spoke to them, their eyes had a dazed and far away look, and they had a hard time tearing themselves away from whatever was on the screen.

Now, I would imagine they get a fair amount of screen time, and yet there have been no zombies at my house except for at Halloween.

I let them have computer breaks during school time. They work well for me for a while if they know they will be rewarded with ten or fifteen minutes of screen time. They willingly set their timers and jump right back to work when their time is up. No zombies in sight.

Here's my theory why they are not turning into zombies even though they are still getting screen time: When they leave for school and are gone all day, they are disconnecting from me, from home, from mom and dad. Many times, even, forces at school are working against the home mandates. For instance, your child might come home and say "so and so said they get to do THIS or THAT" and so they are already defensive and ready to fight you before they even get home.

Then, when they get in front of that screen, they are further disconnecting. More time to pull away from home.

However, because they are always with me now, they are fully connected, fully engaged with me from morning until night. Now, when they get screen time, or play time they are not disconnecting from us, but feel it is simply an extension of their home life. They are always safely and securely wrapped up in the arms of their family, that even when they take time for themselves, they still feel safe in their sense of belonging to a family.

I have given up my photography business, one of my writing jobs, and I still barely have time to work on my current writing projects. This is a hard thing, make no mistake. It is a sacrifice. A sacrifice of id, but not a sacrifice of anything important. My id will grow and be made so much better because of this sacrifice. Truly, it's barely a sacrifice at all--only superficially is it any kind of sacrifice.

This is why I do the hard things ... to see my boys shine.

Getting Your Spouse Involved

2008-10-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

After my meltdown last week, my husband realized he could help. On Saturday, Xan had a karate tournament, but because Grampa was coming to visit, David (my husband) had to stay home to care for him. So, while Charlie and David stayed home, David decided to work on a couple math lessons to help catch Charlie up.

So while I had a fun time cheering Xan on to first place in forms (YAY XAN!) David helped Charlie with his math.

By the time I got home, my husband was a changed man.

He'd always been supportive our my decision to homeschool, but really didn't have a big opinion on which program I decided to go with to teach the boys. Whatever was easiest for me, he trusted I would make the best choice for our guys.

But while he was poking around the K12 website helping Charlie with his math, he discovered what an awesome program it is. He was very excited to tell me that had he been making the choice given Charlie's current problems, he would totally have chosen K12.

This was very exciting and encouraging to me. Hurray! Not that I had a problem with my husband in any way, but having him have a taste of what I was doing, what schooling the boys was like was very, very comforting to me.

And not only did he approve of the school I had chosen for the boys, but he also now had a first hand understanding of Charlie's behavior when doing school work. It felt so good knowing I was understood, that my problems with school were understood. A VERY good feeling.

David has offered to teach the boys Science on Saturdays, and to help with the occasional lesson (particularly for Charlie) if the boys fall behind, or as I need it. So now I have an extra day during the week to use as catch up if I fall behind or a day OFF to use as I need. Such a relief and gift.

I feel like such a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Just knowing I am NOT in this alone, NOT caring all this burden alone ... it feels really, really good.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2008-10-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

The other day, in the heart of my own personal emotional tornado, I wrote down some thoughts on what's going on in my head. I thought I'd share it here because maybe someone will recognize themselves and know they are not alone.

Why did I decide to homeschool?

I love my boys.
I wanted to spend more time with them.
I want what's best for them.

Why do I feel like I'm failing?

I'm afraid Xander is becoming weird.
Charlie doesn't seem to be able to learn anything.
I feel like I'm constantly fighting against the boys, or it's Me/School vs. Them.
They are dirty (have poor hygiene habits.)
I find I'm folding easily and giving in on the things that are important to me because they're not important to them.
The house is a mess.
We've been eating out too much.
Dinners are stupid. (They hated everything I was making, so we made a list of all dinners that were acceptable to them, and once a week only we'll try something 'new' ... their choice of dinners are kraft dinner and weiners, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup ... that sort of thing.)
I'm not getting any exercise and I'm getting fatter and fatter.
I'm lonely for friends.

What's going right?

There really has been an increase of love between me and the boys.
Charlie seems to have increased confidence.
I like having scripture study with them.

I'll write more about my thoughts on these things ... but you can stew on that for now!

Our Struggle

2008-10-19T21:22:00.001-07:00

I have been struggling this past while. I've been feeling like I can't, in fact, do this homeschooling thing. I could give you lots of excuses and reasons, but none of them really matter. I know I have to work through this bump in the road.

But the thing that is really getting me down is my struggle with my dear boy Charlie.

I am beside myself trying to figure out what to do with him, or rather, for him.

Charlie is capable of many things, but he hasn't found his special thing yet. With a brother like Xan, what's a boy to do? How can he make his star shine when Xan seems to have monopoly on shine.

With school, Charlie just plain feels like he 'can't'. He can't do math, he can't do language arts, he can't do anything.

Whole days have been spent when only one lesson is completed. There is often much crying and frustration.

I am just tapped out and don't know what to do for him. Two teachers, one being our K12 teacher, has suggested that we continually point out to Charlie what he's great at. Thing is, he is honestly not great at many things. The only thing he is really great at is hard physical work.

He is the best worker and helper I know. Even among men. His work ethic is truly to be admired. I just wish I could help him transfer that awesome work ethic to schoolwork.

I am praying so hard for my little guy. I hope I am granted some sort of inspiration and guidance for how to help him.

An Increase of Love

2008-10-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've often read about how much homeschooling moms love their children, that I figured it was a prerequisite. I mean, of course I love my kids, but thought these moms had access to a type of love I couldn't hope to have.

I grew up in such a way that loving people doesn't come naturally to me. Scratch that, I love people, but I think I hold a lot of it at bay, and I have difficulty showing and receiving love. I am much better with my sons than I am with anyone else, but still ... I felt I still wasn't giving them everything I had within me.

Until now.

Now, my heart bursts with love for them. I must sound like a broken record because just about every night I tell my husband how very much I love our sons. It's just such an amazement to me, that I can't help but point it out, in awe over how such a thing could be happening to me.

Who would have believed that spending all day with your children could actually help you love them more?

And it's not just me feeling it for them, it's them feeling it for me.

For instance, the other day I was feeling exceptionally tired after we were done schooling. I laid down on the couch while the boys headed outside to play. A moment later Charlie came back in and lyed down beside me. He just wanted to snuggle, he said.

A few minutes later, Xander came in and wordlessly lyed down beside me too.

We lay there together for a good twenty minutes. When they finally stirred, it was not to leave me, but to gently stroke my hair.

Then they finally left to go play again, and I was left wonder what had just happened. Don't get me wrong ... we are a very affectionate family, but usually such things have a time and a place. After school time, when freedom is allowed and friends are home to play with is usually not that time.

That they chose to come and snuggle me, to quietly give and receive love without asking for anything in return, was something sweet.

And it helped me to see that this increase of love I feel for them is not one-sided. They, too, are feeling an increase of love for me, and for each other.

There is far less bickering happening between the two boys. I would have thought there would be more, being cooped up together for so long.

Rather, homeschooling has been a great blessing for us, in so many ways, but the most cherished of all ways is this increase of love we are experiencing.

Now I understand why those homeschooling moms expressed such love for their children. It wasn't a requisite nature that made them good homeschooling moms, it was the companionship, the closeness and time spent together that yielded the love.

I expressed my faith in this homeschooling lifestyle, by planting the seeds, covering them with warm earth and providing them with needed sunshine and water. And now I'm seeing, much sooner than expected, those precious seeds bearing fruit, and the blossoms are fragrant and beautiful and far beyond my wildest dreams.

Household Chores

2008-10-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

One of the things that seems to bog down new homeschoolers is household chores. There's this falacy out in the popular world that moms have to do it all. We have to work, we have to make gourmet meals for our kids, we have to keep a Martha Steward style home perfectly clean all the time.

Whether you're homeschooling or not, this just isn't true!

As I writer, if I was concerned for domestic perfection, I'd never get any writing done. But now, as a homeschooler too, there just isn't room for my inner Martha Stewart to have her say.

But whether you're a homeschooler or not, you've got to let go of some misperceptions that might still be bogging down your inner psyche. First of all, household chores, are not only for wives and mothers to perform. Don't you remember Little House in the Prairie? Everyone pitched in with their share of the work. Even the Beav had to do household chores. It seems to be a rather modern day phenomenon that lets children get off scot free.

Sometimes I wish I lived on a farm because then it would be easier to identify chores my children could do. But let me brainstorm a few ideas here of suggestions for things your kids could be doing, day by day, to not only lighten your load, but strengthen their spirits. Some of these chore ideas are ones that my own kids do, others are gleaned from friends and online sources.

keep room clean
keep bodies clean
set table/clear table
feed/water pets
walk or exercise pets
vacuum
wipe down bathroom
swish and swipe toilet
wash walls
wipe down light switches and door knobs
windex windows and mirrors
pick toys and rocks off the grass before it gets mowed
mow the lawn
weed the garden
harvest vegetables
wash dishes/load dishwasher
help prepare a meal
help with grocery shopping
unload groceries
sort/fold laundry
put laundry away
wash their own laundry
always pick up after themselves
dust
wash base boards

And many, many more that I'm sure I haven't listed. If I've missed something you think is great for kids to do, please leave it in my comment trail. It would be cool to compile a list of household chores children can help with.

Now that you have an idea of all the myriad ways your children can help, it's time to let go of your inner perfectionist and let them help.

It's true things won't be done to perfection. It's true that they may only be able to accomplish one or two things (and imperfectly to boot) in the period of time it would take you to do many things. But think of the benefits:

you can begin to let go of resentment you may be feeling about always having to do everything yourself
you are training up your children in the way to help in family ... creating men and women who will know how to pull their own weight in a family
you're also teaching them basic life skills that will serve your children well in their grown up lives
your children will grow to respect and love you all the more because they will have a real understanding of all you do for them

So let go of your Domestic Diva and become a Marvelous Mom. Your children will one day thank you for it, and you'll be grateful for it today.

Your Homeschool Schedule

2008-09-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

The first couple weeks we were homeschooling, I had a very lazy schedule. I knew we 'needed' a schedule, but, well, I love to sleep and without a 'need' to wake up at a certain time, I enjoyed a few more sleep-ins than I should have. There, I admitted it. *sigh*

Then a couple weeks ago I was visiting with Tami, Carin, Aly and Kim (all K12'ers) and I asked the dreaded question of them: "How's it going?"

Carin and Aly both were feeling much like I was. Tami, having always homeschooled her children, was doing just fine. Kim, however, was a first timer like me, and yet, inexplicably, she was doing just fine.

Well, perhaps not inexplicably, because there was a perfectly good explanation. A schedule.

Kim shared with us her schedule. I've been following the same schedule now for two weeks, and holy moly boys and girls, it's totally working for me!

It's not rocket science, but I thought I'd share it with you. Perhaps it will help you, as it did me.

7:00 I get up, get showered and ready for my day. (My boys are usually up, but they like to ease into their day with some play or TV. I'm okay with that.)

8:00 Breakfast

8:15 Scripture Study

8:30 Boys get ready for their day, including walking the dog and having a bit of outside fun, like basketball. I get online and check a few blogs, email, log into K12 and get my head around what's coming up for the day.

9:00 Boys come in and school gets underway.

10:30 We take a break. A snack, a bit of outside play. And I get to feed my blog habit a bit more.

11:00 Back to school.

12:30 Lunch and a play break.

1:00 School!

2:30 Done for the day! Whew!

3:00 We like to go to the gym most days. We found a gym where I can work out and the boys can play basketball or swim. It's very handy and cool. I like it!

4:00 Now we're home and I get some writing done before dinner.

You might ask how I find time to get housework done, right? I fit it in, in little bits of time. If I didn't write, then I'd get more done, but it's a choice I make. Definitely my home is not what it once was. But as they say, there'll be a time when I can keep my house as clean as I want it to be ... and that day will also be when my children are not home to love, to care for, to cherish.

Homeschooling and Socialization

2008-09-28T20:29:00.001-07:00

This is probably the biggest concern friends and family express when I tell them I homeschool. What about friends? they ask. So let's see about friends ...

We live in a neighborhood of many friends whom the boys freely play with after the public school gets out.
Once a week they go to Scouts where they play, interact, and serve in a group of ten boys.
At least twice a week they go to Karate where they interact with boys and girls in the age range of 8-13.
Each Sunday they spend two hours at Church in a group of boys and girls their own age, learning, and doing activities.
In between Sunday and Saturday each week, the boys may participate in as few as one or as many as several playgroups, field trips or other 'out' activities.

Do they sound undersocialized to you? Umm, I think not ;)

Dr. Laura wrote an excellent article in May of this year summarizing a study by the Department of Psychology at Bellhaven College in Jackson, Mississippi. In their study these researchers determined that homeschooled university students adjust as well, or even better, than their non-homeschooled counterparts.

In addition to all that I listed, my boys are also getting time with me, their mom, to feel love, to learn and to grow and to find themselves in the safety and security of a loving home. I don't know about you, but while I spent my school days in the company of hundreds of other children, I only felt further away from who I was, from who loved me. I struggled to find my identity in the halls of my school, between the good girls, the bad girls, the boys, the brainiacks, the jocks ... you name it.

I think my boys have a tremendous advantage because they can figure out if they are smart, funny, attractive, capable ... in the safety of their home. And the answers they find for themselves will be answers for their life, not just for the moment they are with their friends, but in their hearts, their heads, their lives.

There is one point about socialization I'd like to make, though. And that's the importance of socialization for MOM.

Sitting in Tami's backyard last week, I realized that I would be there even if my kids weren't, lol. I need the time to sit with others who are of the same mind as I am. I still talk with my friends from 'before', but they don't really get where I am right now. They don't get why I chose to homeschool, or what unique challenges I face day to day.

However, my homeschooling friends, though they are new, are fast becoming special people in my lives--friends I don't want to go without.

So if you're considering homeschooling, or doing it now, don't forget the importance of friends for yourself as well as for your children. You will get ideas and help from your friends, and the strength and courage to face another day. And your kids will make new friends too!

Now, that's a win/win situation, right?

Accountability

2008-09-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Tami's Friday picnic and talked with the other moms about Acountable Kids (or something like that.) The point was, that the child knows what they're responsible for and they receive consequences or rewards based on their ability (or lack thereof) to follow through on what they've committed to do.

Today at Tami's picnic, I realized that I have not been accountable for my blog!

I started this blog so that I could keep a record of my journey, both for my sake and for the sake of others who are going through the same thing, either now or down the road. And I've been doing a mighty poor job of it, darn it!

So I'm renewing my committment to you, to myself and to Tami (who is a faithful follower even though I let her down all the time. She just tells me really nicely.)

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary (I remember when it was just Webster's Dictionary ... how old does that make me? For me to know and you to find out. So there!) says accountability is "an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's action for one's actions."

I have lots to tell you, and have a plan in place for keeping my blog regular with all the things. Some things I plan to talk about in future posts are:

socialization
schedules
household chores
pacing
love

Does that whet your appetite? I hope so!

Now that I have a plan, I'll be sure to follow through. That ought to be the first thing we talk about next because I've discovered it's the key to our homeschool success and that is HAVE A PLAN. It sort of goes under schedules but ... we'll see where we end up.

Thanks for being patient with me! Especially you, Tami ;)

Ouchie.

2008-09-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

This has been a hard week.

Life piled on top of me. Squished me pretty good, too.

We had computer problems with K12 - a rarity, from what I hear - but for a newbie like me, it was death. I couldn't function without the online school step-by-step instructions on what to do for each lesson.

That, on top of my life-pile, and I felt like I could hardly breathe. I wondered, really for the first time, what in the world I was doing. I was crazy! What was I thinking? I couldn't do this! I'm too psychotic to be able to pull this off!

I had a good cry (or two, but who's counting, really. No one saw. Doesn't count.)

And today I felt better.

Today I decided to let go of things. Not just figuratively, but literally. I called up people and got out of things I was committed to. I canceled activities or appointments that weren't necessary. I took a good long look at the K12 lesson plans for my boys and figured out how I could make them work and saw that we are not as behind as I had feared.

Today the OLS (k12 online school) was up and running and I could breathe again.

One thing I did that I want to share with all you other newbies or wannabes out there is that I asked for help. In my deepest, darkest moment, I did not crawl into my cave like I wanted to, but I reached out for help to other k12 moms. I asked for help and they gave it, freely, with love and kindness and with real been-there-done-that experience. It helped tremendously.

Our First Two Days

2008-08-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Lots of big feelings going on inside. I wasn't feeling any regrets as we approached our first day, only ... a sense of loneliness or something. I'm not sure. I'm still working through the feelings.

I followed the advice of K12 and am doing the 'gentle start' program they advocate in the "First Five Days" Elluminate Speaker Series. Thank goodness for that, because the academic start has been manageable. What's getting to me is, again, this emotional aspect.

My boys are missing their friends. We live very near the elementary school and always pass it if we leave for errands and even can hear the children playing when they are out for recess. They are very aware of what they are missing. I feel sad for them. I know that what I'm doing is the right thing for them in the long run ... it's this darn short run I hope I have the patience to see them through.

I wish I could take a picture of our little office. Up until a day before school started I still hadn't decided on where would be best to store the material and such. Finally I managed and so far it's working very well. Just wish I could show you.

On Monday we started with Language Arts. Though both my boys are in grade three, Charlie tested lower in language arts and math, so he's doing second grade coursework in those classes. Since the first lesson or two are review, Charlie's were very simple, whereas Xan's were a bit more challenging.

I was extremely surprised by what I saw. Charlie (my usually contrary boy) got right to work. Xander, (my usually dilligent boy) however, talked incessantly, danced around, couldn't focus, wouldn't work and took all day to complete only a fraction of his work.

I'm hopeful that Xander will quickly come to see the benefits of getting his work done - I'm praying I don't strangle him before he gets there!

Thankfully, today was better. We did math and both boys breezed through it. Yay!

Tomorrow is History and Science. I think they will both like that because there are games to be played online and outdoor activities. But, we'll also be doing two subjects so ... a little yikes! at that one.

I spoke with an acquaintance this morning and when I told her I was homeschooling the boys, she said "Good for you!" My response was startling, even to myself. I had to fight back the tears, and all I could say was "Thank you."

No one else has had that reaction. Everyone I've talked to around here, is well, rather discouraging. It's kind of hard to see my neighbors going about their lives feeling so much like the one on the outside.

I'm not expressing myself very well, but my purpose in this blog was to share my journey, so maybe my inability is telling as it is.

Onward and upward, right? I sure hope so.

An Interview with Summer Miller ~ K12 Mom

2008-08-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

Summer has a great K12 blog of her own where she shares her experiences. Check it out to learn more about her and her family. I'm grateful that she agreed to stop by today and answer my questions.

I hope to interview other K12 moms, so if there's something else you would like to know that I haven't already asked, please feel free to post it in the comments and I'll be sure to add it to my list of questions!

Why did you choose to home school your kids?

I was spending at least 40 hours a week working with the school on PTA and making sure that they were servicing my sons IEP, and protecting my daughter from the evils of middle school. I decided that I should listen to my gut and try doing it myself. After all, I believe in Love and Logic and who better to do that than their mother.

Why did you choose to use the K12 curriculum?

I had looked into traditional home schooling and the amount of information out there was overwhelming. When a friend told me about k12 I was so excited. I liked the idea of everything being done for me so I could spend my time working and playing with my kids instead of trying to come up with the next lesson.

What are the ages of your children?

14, 12, 8, 5

What is a typical school day like in your home?

I like my sleep so when I get up (about 730) we have prayers and scriptures, breakfast, clean up whatever mess we left from the day before and then the kids hit the books. Sometimes we find ourselves running errands in the morning and then school work has to wait until we're done. We are extremely flexible. If we want to go to the fair, we do. If it looks like a great day to go sledding then we just finish our school work after we've thawed out. I try to remember that the most important part of schooling is learning, sometimes that happens better outside or on the aisles of the grocery store.

In your opinion what are the strengths of the K12 program? What are its weaknesses?

They take the guess work out of what to teach. I know my kids are learning what they need to for state testing but in a way that better suits their personality. I like their literature program that focuses on the classics. Sometimes the lessons can be so in depth that we don't finish them. That is one of the best things about k12, I can make that decision and not feel guilty.

In regard to your home school, what do you plan to do differently this year from last?

I dropped a couple of classes this year. I am supplementing the program with stuff that is specific to my children's interest. Bailey loves to cook and decorate cakes so that will be the primary focus for her art this year.

What advice would you offer a prospective or new K12 parent?

Relax. Trust the curriculum. Have fun with your kids. Remember that learning to learn is more important than regurgitating a bunch of facts.

Try

2008-08-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to go to another K12 get-together. Thank goodness for Tami and her family because she is always setting up these playdates and they are so good for me--oh yeah, and good for my boys too ;)

Yesterdays' playdate was the best one yet for me. Kelli, Tami and Summer were there, as well as Roxanne. This was my third time seeing Tami and Summer and my second for Kelli--first for Roxanne. And yesterday I felt like I was IN. I felt like I knew these girls a bit better and I felt like I got some real help and understanding from them.

And yesterday, I really needed it.

On the way to the park, the boys started complaining about doing K12. Up until now they've had a really good attitude about homseschooling so this really hit me out of left field. Apparently, the other day they were out riding bikes when Miss Crump, our schools' most popular teacher, was visiting a neighborhood friend. She saw the boys and waved the over. They know her and like all kids at the school, adore her, so they went to talk to her.

She asked which one was Charlie because she was so excited to have Charlie in her class next year. Charlie felt proud that she said she couldn't wait to have him and so he felt sad to tell her "We're going to be homeschooled this year."

"What?? But I want you in my class!" was Miss Crumps' reply.

And so then Charlie, and Xander by extension, are feeling sad about home school. And so was I. Big Time.

When we arrived at the park, I told the other ladies what had happened and they all comforted me. They've been there. Their kids have been there. They admitted, maybe it won't work out. But won't be so glad we tried? And for them, it's all been worth it and their kids all prefer K12.

It just felt so good to be understood. I didn't even tell them about the lunch out with neighbor friends the other day in which they all looked at me like I was a total freak. We went around the table telling our latest news and part of my news was that I was getting ready for school. And the table just fell into dumbfounded silence. No one knew what to say. And so we just moved on. I felt like I was completely alone.

Have you ever felt that way? If you're a homeschooling mom, or if you're thinking of becoming one, I bet you have. How could you not? I think only another homeschooling mom would understand. But that's a post for another day.

For today I wanted to talk about why I continue to feel like I am doing the right thing by keeping my boys home this year.

Oh it would be so easy to send them back to school! They've got great teacher assignments this year and they've got lots of friends and besides, our school is right across the street. How much easier could it get?

But that would be a cop out. I know it in my gut. It's not right for me. There are no guarantees of course. I have no real way of knowing whether homeschooling will be right for us either, but it's something I've got to try.

At the end of my days, I may regret never trying to homeschool my boys when I've had so many feelings that have told me I should do it. However, I'm quite certain I'll never regret trying. Trying will tell me if it's right or not. Trying will teach me so much about myself and my boys. Somewhere deep down, trying will let my boys know that I love them and I'm well, willing to TRY ... for their sake. I choose to try and to have no regrets.

Do I have to be a SuperMom to be a super mom?

2008-07-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

This is something the worries the heck out of me.

I think I am just a 'normal' mom; there are some things I do really well, and a lot of things I think I need improvement on.

Recently I met a few K12 moms and first impressions tell me they are SuperMoms. They put their vegetable gardens in on time and take good care of them. They bake bread and put up awesome freezer meals for the month. I could go on and on.

Me? I love my kids, but that's maybe the only thing I'm Super at. And even then there are days I just want to mentally check out, ya know? Some days when I wish my job title was not "MOM". Sometimes I fall behind on housework or groceries or laundry or something and I'm playing catch-up for a whole week (sometimes longer!) trying just to get to a good level playing field where I feel I'm in control again.

Sometimes my boys ask me a question and I just stare at them, my face blank and my only response is "Ahhh. I don't know?"

"I don't know" a lot.

Can I still do this thing? Still have a successful homeschool? Is it really for us regular, average, or even slightly below average, moms?

This was the question first and foremost on my mind when I recently joined the K12 Parent to Parent yahoo group. The responses I received were wonderful, uplifting and encouraging. Basically they all said “you can do it!”

Most of their advice can be summed up in the following quotes that they shared with me:

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child." ~ Author Unknown

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” ~ Erma Bombeck

"The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while
you do the work." ~ Author Unknown

So rest assured that you are not alone in thinking that you are too imperfect to be a successful homeschooling mom. One mom said to me, “loving your kids is ALL you have to be super at” (Linda D. in PA) And that’s the best advice I have to pass on to you.

Love your kids, do what you feel is right and you already are a SuperMom!

Before the Boxes Arrive ~ K12 Speaker Series

2008-07-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

Today I attended my first online K12 Seminar with Lori Beverage and Heidi Higgins. It was really good! Up until now when I've thought about the upcoming school year, this has been my response:

"Ahhhhhhhhhh ..................................."

Yeah. That about sums it up!

So I was grateful for today's seminar because it gave me the kick in the pants I needed and taught me just exactly what needs to be done "before the boxes arrive". And I'm going to try to share what I learned with you!

Your To Do List:

Family Routine:

Think about what might work for your family and plan for it.
Be flexible and don't expect your days to go exactly as planned.

Priorities:

Your first priority should always be to your husband and your children.
Household chores, laundry, dishes and all those things are just distractions from what's really important.

Phone/Door Messages:

Let callers know that you are busy homeschooling your children between the hours of ... and to call back later.
Leave a note on your door that you aren't available until after school is done.
Don't let yourself get distracted by callers on the phone or at the door!

Trim Down Outside Activities & Obligations

Learn to say "no" when you get those inevitable calls for you to help.
Limit your childrens activities also to those things that are most important.

Family Preparations

Family councils or planning sessions prior to school starting can help children, spouse and extended family members come to understand what might be expected once school starts.

Home Preparations

Food prep ~ you'll have children home all day so you'll need snacks and lunches planned for. Consider crockpot dinners ~ these will help make dinner run more smoothly plus they make your house smell yummy!
Location for books and school supplies. Where will you put all of your materials? Book shelf? Loose bins? There is no set way to do this, you just need to find what works for you.
Distractions ~ turn off the T.V. and set aside the remote. Put away all things that might tempt your children away from their studies.
Clutter ~ this is another distraction thing, but the more clutter/distractions, the more difficult it is to concentrate on the school work.
Laundry ~ this can be a major hurdle for a lot of families. Consider letting your children do their own laundry! If you're not ready for that, at least work on it together so you don't carry the burden of all the work on your own.
Chores ~ the same goes for chores. Be generous in considering what your children might be able to do to help with the daily chores.

What Space You Will Use:

You will need access to your computer.
You'll need space to spread out.
Some families spread out to the couch, using T.V. trays even for their work. Some use the kitchen table, while others have rooms or offices set aside for their use.
In the end, do whatever works!

Materials You Will Need:

You'll need regular school supplies, including pencils, notebooks and loose leaf paper, etc.

Time You Will Spend:

Print daily or weekly schedules for you to share with your children.
Make meals a part of your schedule, i.e. snack time is at 10:30, etc.
Be careful not to over schedule!
Consider using a dry erase marker on your window or sliding door to write out the schedule.
K12.com has an education plan for your children which you can print out. Add daily chores and other activities like piano practice.
Be sure to have a cut-off point when you'll be done school for the day and it doesn't drag on and on.
Consider calling this your kids' Ticket to Freedom, as Heidi calls it ~ when your kids have completed their tasks for their day, they're free~

Best Strategies:

Plan your school days at the best time for your family, not what works for other people or traditional school. It's all about you and your family.
Plan 'down-time' activities.
Make your plan in advance of school starting, so it's ready to go as soon as you need it.
Plan your meals and snacks in advance.
Read your education objectives so your goals can be renewed in your mind.
Materials prep ~ be prepared for each day, it will help you to stay on top of things.
Don't loose sight of the the PLAN (see Family Routine.)
Have Fun!
Read.
Have a list of friends you can call or talk to online when things get tough.
Go to the OLS (online school on k12.com) for help.
See the online tutorials for help.
Take advantage of yahoo groups ~ you can see the link for the K12 group in my sidebar, but you could also search for k12 groups in your state for more local groups.

Contingency Plans:

You will have your bad days. Or days when school doesn't run to so well, or you're not running so well - or your kids.

Re-evaluate your priorities.
Help someone else ~ service.
Do some different sort of work, preferably physical work, like gardening or household chores.
Focus on your health. Exercise. Play.
Read good books together.
Have a good support group of friends for yourself and your children.
Music ~ put on some fun, happy music to do your chores to.
Endurance ~ hang on! Think and act positively and your children will follow suit (plus you'll feel better too.)
Goals ~ keep your progress sheet handy.

Most of all, 'down days' are a great opportunity for you to model how you can overcome life's challenges!

Lori encouraged us to remember to have fun. She discouraged us from becoming 'box checkers' - so focused on completing the work that we forget what we're doing this for. Enjoy the journey!

Why Homeschool?

2008-07-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

This is the question I get all the time from friends and family. I even have to ask myself from time to time!

First off, I have to say, I don't know. I do it because I feel it is right.

But that's just not enough information, is it?

I don't do it because I think the public school system stinks or anything like that. I have a great local school with awesome teachers and administrators.

No, our reason is much more personal and intangible.

I do it because I love my boys and I want to be involved in their learning. I want to see them grow and cheer along with them when they've mastered something and hug them when learning is hard.

I do it because I believe one mom who loves her kids is worth a zillion teachers. Not because I'm the brilliant person on the planet (far from it!) but because I'm capable, willing and--I can't say this often enough--I love my boys.

No one else will love them and therefore want the best for them, as I do. No one else knows their potential, their strengths and weaknesses, as I do.

One of the reasons I went with the K12 program is because they provide the curriculum and they also provide certified teachers who will touch base with my children from time to time and also answer our questions at any time. So I know I won't 'break' my kids or 'ruin' them.

But I can love them, better than anyone else. So between our K12 teacher and a mom who loves them (did I already say that?) my boys are sure to succeed!

So the real question then becomes, Why not homeschool?

Considering the Homeschooling Alternative

2008-07-23T14:27:00.001-07:00

I've always been attracted to homeschooling and always thought that I would homeschool my kids. But when my twin boys were learning their ABC's and learning to how to read, their distinct differences really through me for a loop and I didn't feel up to the challenge.

Xander learned from me, and everything was great. He learned his ABC's quickly and grasped the concept of reading right away.

However, Charlie fought me at every turn. And worse, he seemed to take the low road when compared with Xander. The more Xan mastered something, the more Charlie pulled away from that subject or skill and went the complete opposite. He refused to learn from me, and his mantra became "I can't."

Oh how I came to hate those two little words!

On top of it all, the boys were developing a strong dislike for one another and I worried about their relationship in the years to come. They were each others only brother--I felt they needed to be friends, they needed to be each other's support, love and encouragement in their lifetime.

So, I did what I might have said I would never, ever do. I put my guys into preschool.

*gasp*horror*

And you know? It was the best thing I ever did.

They only went for the second semester of one year and I put them into a developmentally challenged preschool as the 'typically developing peers'. This gave them the opportunity to feel really great about their own skills, but also to develop some compassion and empathy for others. Oh, and they were in separate classes!

By the end of the school year my guys liked each other again and there was harmony once more in my home.

But my experiences trying to teach Charlie had made me doubt myself and I was afraid to try again, so I sent them to public school (we have an awesome school right across the street from my house) which is where they have stayed for the last few years.

Through it all, I have always told the boys that one day, I might homeschool them. And surprise, surprise, they came to me toward the end of the school year this year and said they wanted to be homeschooled!

I know! Imagine my amazement! Happily I took them up on it. Little did they know I had already been taking some steps toward the same end, but our public school has such awesome teachers in grade three, I thought my homework and research would be put into use for the next year. I had no idea my guys would request to homeschooled so soon.

While researching homeschooling in Utah, I found the K12 site and entered my boys into their enrollment lottery. They lost. All this was before the boys' big announcement so I thought it was just as well. Amazingly, shortly after they told me they wanted to be homeschooled, I was notified that two spots had opened up for them and the boys had been accepted into K12's Utah Virtual Academy.

So that's where we are today! My boys are almost eight years old and will be going into grade three in the Fall. Well, August 26th, actually, as that's when school starts with the UTVA. I have made one small adjustment, and that is that I have chosen to transfer to the Washington County Online School rather than the UTVA because I have found some wonderful people to work with at that school and I feel more comfortable with the chain of communication. It's a small change though and really impacts little in terms of the type of school experience we expect to have.

I have started this blog in an effort to document our K12 adventure for your interest and for my sanity. I really find it helps me to write things down--always preferring to sort my problems out through the written word than in any other way.

If you're a K12 mom or a homeschooling mom, or any kind of mom, feel free to post your comments or questions. We can learn and grow together!