Friday, October 24, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The other day, in the heart of my own personal emotional tornado, I wrote down some thoughts on what's going on in my head. I thought I'd share it here because maybe someone will recognize themselves and know they are not alone.

Why did I decide to homeschool?
  • I love my boys.
  • I wanted to spend more time with them.
  • I want what's best for them.
Why do I feel like I'm failing?
  • I'm afraid Xander is becoming weird.
  • Charlie doesn't seem to be able to learn anything.
  • I feel like I'm constantly fighting against the boys, or it's Me/School vs. Them.
  • They are dirty (have poor hygiene habits.)
  • I find I'm folding easily and giving in on the things that are important to me because they're not important to them.
  • The house is a mess.
  • We've been eating out too much.
  • Dinners are stupid. (They hated everything I was making, so we made a list of all dinners that were acceptable to them, and once a week only we'll try something 'new' ... their choice of dinners are kraft dinner and weiners, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup ... that sort of thing.)
  • I'm not getting any exercise and I'm getting fatter and fatter.
  • I'm lonely for friends.
What's going right?
  • There really has been an increase of love between me and the boys.
  • Charlie seems to have increased confidence.
  • I like having scripture study with them.
I'll write more about my thoughts on these things ... but you can stew on that for now!